Guidelines to start your own support group.

A few guidelines from Dr. Marlene Winell.

1. Purpose.  Be clear that it is a support group and not a therapy group.  In a support group, people can tell their stories and listen to others, finding out how much you have in common. You can also encourage each other as you cope with issues and move forward.  Unlike a therapy group, it is not the place for deep analysis or confrontation.  However, it can be very healing.  It’s also important that the group will be not trying to agree on any new philosophies.
2. Decide who to include.  Just adults?  Any age or gender requirements?  Religious background?  In my groups, I usually have adults, men and women, from a variety of religious backgrounds.  But I also had a group with women all recovering from the same cult. 
3. Have a facilitator for the group in general, and for each session.  This can be shared; you can take turns.  The facilitator gets the meeting started, keeps it moving, gently intervenes if someone is monopolizing the talk time, and brings the meeting to a close on time. 
4. Decide if you want to have refreshments, how often you will meet, when and where, and for how long.  I suggest that if you do have snacks or coffee (or wine!) that you still have a starting time to sit down and begin.  You can also have a potluck occasionally instead.  I prefer to keep it simple and save the socializing for a separate time.  However, it can be nice to have a longer, more casual time at the first gathering to relax and simply get acquainted.  For my groups, I like to kick off with a full day together, giving each person a chance to tell their whole story. 
5. At the first session, talk about group guidelines, letting everyone contribute so you are in agreement.  Some points to consider:
   • Confidentiality:  Do you want to agree that what you share does not leave the group?  (the usual therapy group rule).  Or do you want to be free to talk about it with family and friends?  Or what is okay to talk about outside the group?  Leaving out names and identifying details is one option.
   • Attendance and punctuality:  Do you want people to agree to come every time or can they just drop in?  How long will the group last and do you want an initial commitment for a certain number of sessions?  In my therapy groups we begin with agreeing to meet ten times and I ask people to commit to four sessions before deciding to belong or drop out.  This is because groups take a little time to have cohesion.  However, a support group can be more flexible.  I would still suggest that you have some accountability and check-in process so that if a member is absent, they let the group know what’s happening.  This is because each person will feel important and valued, and the group will not have to worry about a member. It can be quite distracting to wonder what happened to somebody, and when the group has gelled, you will care about each other and want to know.  Arriving on time is simple courtesy and self-respect.
   • Outside contact.  Decide whether you want to exchange contact information.  Do you want to have social contact or share rides to group?  You could do this formally with a sheet of emails and phone numbers or you could just leave it to individuals to work out.  One thing to consider is a buddy system, a bit like AA.  If you pair off, you can keep in touch and be supportive to each other between group sessions.  However, this should not turn into a burden or a substitute for therapy.  I suggest agreeing on a rule limiting the length and frequency of phone calls, eg. 10 minutes max. per call and no more than 3 in a week.
   • Professional options for back-up.  Individuals in the group need to agree to seek professional help if they have a crisis or have issues that are too intense for the group.  You can brainstorm options for this and share names and resources – crisis lines, hospitals, doctors, therapists.  Do this before it happens.  If all your members take responsibility for themselves in this way and you have the information necessary, the group will feel much safer. 
   • Listening.  The biggest gift you can give each other is to listen well – patiently, with an open heart, without judgment.  In our busy lives, we crave being heard, and we desperately need to be respected for our own thoughts and feelings.  In all my work with people recovering from religious indoctrination, I have found the core to be reclaiming your self.  You need to love yourself and trust yourself.  You need to reject the notion of a sinful nature and learn to listen to your own intuition.  Therefore expressing your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment is enormously powerful.